Dear Mr Zuckerberg,
We need to talk. Firstly I want to thank you for the past 10 years. Together it’s been a massive rollercoaster of emotions and memories which I will never forget. However while I love you, I’m not in love with you. I remember when I could sit laughing with you watching cat memes and videos from Uni Lad while getting educated from Gary Vaynerchuk at the same time as comparing my dinner with my neighbours. Great days!
But right now I need space and feel smothered by your algorithm. You’re too controlling, it’s holding me back and not allowing me to express myself and who I really am. My career is super important to me right now and you’re forcing me to spend too much time socialising with friends and family which is taking me away from my career path.
Were just on 2 different paths right now. You want something I can’t give you (mostly money). I’ve tried to ignore the problem but it’s been coming for a while and we’re both growing apart. I think we should see other people which I know you don’t like because of your jealous controlling ways. But I need someone who understands my needs. Someone who listens and doesn’t tell me who I can and can’t see.
I don’t want to lose you and I will always be there for you but at this stage I think we’re better as friends. I know you are going to make someone really happy because you are such a catch. You are clever, addictive and if I’m honest the power you possess has always been attractive to me, but you don’t know me the way you think you know me. I need to work on myself for a while.
I just need you to know, it’s not you, it’s me! I also need to be honest with you. I’ve met someone and at first it was just harmless fun. I would upload and there was no love or engagement but over time I have realised that they are caring more and more about me. The love is growing. They are helping me learn and be the creative that I always wanted to be! I know this will be hurting you now but I think I have a future with Youtube and I think we connect.
You were there for me after my last breakup which hit me so hard. When I broke up with Myspace you were my rock and I turned to you for support. You made me feel so connected and loved in a way that Myspace never could no matter how much Tom tried. I loved your ‘pokes’ and your sheep throwing antics and even when I got mad at you for all your Farmville requests, you pacified me with some juicy gossip of who was ‘in a relationship’.
I’ll never forget you Facebook but I think it’s time that I start to think about what’s best for me and right now it’s Youtube. I will be visiting you and don’t worry i will keep you posted on my adventures. I’m sorry it’s come to this and I really hope you can get back to that cute time wasting app we all loved.
All my love
p.s. Any rumours you hear about me and Vero are not true… I admit I find it attractive but in reality I can’t be with someone who can’t deliver and keeps letting me down.